Expectations: The Great Disappointer

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:28‬ ‭

Expectations.

We all have them. We have them for our spouses, children, friends, family, teachers, and even God. Whether we consciously recognize it or not, we have expectations for everyone and everything.

Normally these expectations are for things to go positively for us. Our spouses should read our minds and do everything exactly as we want without us asking. Our children should behave perfectly at all times especially when around strangers. God should answer all our prayers exactly as we pray them without having to wait.

And when things don’t seem to go the way we expect in the timing we expect, our frustration may begin to increase then the longer we wait the more the frustration turns into anger until we finally explode! Whether we explode on the intended disappointer may or may not happen depending on our relationship on them. Usually for me I end up taking it all out on those closest to me, my family.

Is it fair that I get easily frustrated and angry with my family when I can’t figure out something for work or my friend doesn’t seem to want to hang out with me anymore? Nope not really. Is it then fair to get angry at God when the real deceiver is actually Satan? Definitely not.

So why do we do this and how can we combat it?

We are in a battle.

The battle we are in may be for our thoughts, attention, or even body. Even if it seems as though a person or thing is causing us grief, it really comes down to only one – Satan.

He is the ruler of this world (2 Corinthians 4:4; 1 John 5:19). He controls the air waves (Ephesians 2:2 – think tv, music, gossip, etc). He is a roaring lion waiting to attack (1 Peter 5:8). He is after us. He is after our minds, desires, bodies, emotions. This battle is not against your friend or problem at work – it’s much more than that. It’s a spiritual battle against the dark forces (Ephesians 6:12).

Everything comes down to that. You aren’t fighting people and things. It is spiritual, and it is everywhere.

As believers we sit in victory with Jesus at the right hand of God (Ephesians 2:4-7). We sit in a posture of victory because Jesus has already won the battle for our souls. We win, and Satan does not like that. He is going to do everything he can to distract and steal that joy of victory from God’s children. Whether it’s a little lie you’re believing or a full attack on your physical body, he is trying to gain some ground. To win the battle of the flesh.

Before Jesus comes back or calls us home, we are always going to be in a battle. A battle on two fronts. One against the outside attack of Satan through disappointments from people, lies being spread on social media or the news, physical attacks on our body or character. The other is a little more subtle and maybe even hard to see at times – the battle against our own flesh. We were born sinners with natural tendencies to sin. And although we became saints when we became believers and Christ gave us our new identities, those natural tendencies are still there while we’re still here in the flesh.

I know I wish these tendencies would just disappear all together for me whenever I received Christ. It’s just not how it happens unfortunately. I have heard miracles of God supernaturally removing a temptation from a believer’s life, but most likely there’s still something that plagues you. The thing you wish you could just “get together.”

Maybe it’s over eating, over committing, or over working. Maybe it’s people pleasing (hello! Me!), becoming easily angered, or always having to be right or have the last word. Maybe something else or lots of things. We live in our physical bodies. There’s no way to run away from these temptations or experience lasting change out of your own efforts to fix things.

How to Fight.

So what does this mean? We will just always react out of flawed flesh even though we’re supposed to be new creations? The answer is No of course not! God has given us all we need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3-4). This is through His Holy Spirit (Romans 8:1-11). Through the Holy Spirit our minds are being renewed day by day (Romans 12:2, 2 Corinthians 4:16). We are to take EVERY (not some, but every) thought captive to make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 2:5). We can recognize this is happening when you start to notice your thoughts are pure, holy, noble, or praise worthy as described in Philippians 4:8. Our natural mind is not prone to such thinking, but our minds submitted to the Spirit can’t help but think of these things.

I can’t emphasize it enough. There is no way through your own effort that you can change yourself or make yourself any better. Only God working in you through the Holy Spirit can cause real, lasting change to happen. Only the Holy Spirit can give you the grace to walk away from that argument or the courage to share the gospel with that stranger or friend. Every single good thing in you and done through you is from God and He should receive all the praise for it.

As we guard our minds in Christ against the battle of the flesh, God also gives us the armor to suit up against the external attacks of the enemy. Ephesians 6:10-18 describes all that the Father has given you to combat these external attacks. He has suited us with His armor so that we are fully prepared for any attack. But it comes down to us making the choice to put it on and use it effectively in battle – living submitted to His Spirit and equipped with His Word.

He enables us to live out our victorious life in every aspect. Even in this fallen, evil world where Satan still reigns. Just because he reigns in the world does not mean he has any authority to reign in any area of our lives. Reminder – we are sitting in victory with Jesus right now in the heavenlies. We live and walk in victory every time we decide to stop, pray, and submit to the Holy Spirit.

One way to know and see we are walking and living in the Holy Spirit is seeing the evidence of the fruits of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). These are not things that we can pretend to do or make ourselves do in the flesh. They are GIFTS of the SPIRIT. They come from God and are ours to exemplify when we live submissive and obedient to the Spirit.

Back to Expectations.

So let’s go back to expectations. What does all this mean? Living with certain expectations isn’t necessarily bad but it’s where those expectations come from and how we respond when they don’t pan out as we want that matters. If you’re living submitted to the Spirit, your expectations will align with God’s (1 Corinthians 2:16) and you will not worry about timing or the way it will all happen.

But when your expectations are of your own doing, nothing but disappointment will meet you. Because the timing and way it comes to be will most likely not go your way. This will result in frustration and anger at people around you (who are not at fault by the way-Satan is) or God (who also is not at fault because He knows better than we could ever know). So it may be a good opportunity to look in our hearts, examine our motives, and find the source of our disappointments. There you can get to the truth – the expectations that aren’t/weren’t being met and you can prayerfully submit them to God and combat them with Truth.

God desires for us to live peaceful, joyful life full of delighting in His gifts. He truly does have the best for us at heart. Sometimes all it takes is a realignment of our spirits to see and receive that truth. I’m praying you will find the peace and joy of the Lord today and experience true freedom from any disappointments or unmet expectations you are carrying.