The Most Effective Way to Combat Mom Guilt

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Mom Guilt –

The feeling that you are not enough or doing enough for your children (or husband). That if only you could “get it together”, life would be easier and more pleasant.

This often comes from comparing yourself to other moms based on outward appearance, their well behaved children, or from not living up to your own expectations of what a mother should be. It can be a dangerous place to let your mind wander or stay and can lead to depression, anxiety, fear, and not parenting fully from the truth of the Word and the Holy Spirit that God has gifted you as your guide and counselor. It is a sneaky tactic of the enemy to keep us from relying on God, beating ourselves up as never being enough, and not getting to experience the joy of our families.

How can the lies of mom guilt be stopped before they go too far?

3 Necessary Steps to Identifying and Combating Mom Guilt

1 – Realize You are Not Enough

You, in your own strength and flesh, are not enough. You and your spouse together are not enough. You will never know all of the answers or how to parent perfectly. But this does not mean you are without hope or should just give up.

Instead of figuring it out on your own or with Google or Instagram, turn to the One who DOES know it all and DOES have all the answers.

When we can get to a place of recognizing our need for a Savior in ALL aspects of life,

we will find freedom of the burden of mom guilt.

Guilt is not something we are meant to carry when we are in Christ. If your burdens feel heavy, then you are likely carrying something you should not be carrying. Jesus said when we turn to Him and rely on Him, our burdens will be easy and our yokes light (Matthew 11:29-30).

So how does that actually happen? Can we really live a life with easy burdens and light yokes? Does this mean everything will work out perfectly?

2 – Live out of Your Identity in Christ

Absolutely not! And absolutely at the same time!! It all comes down to perspective. Maybe in your perspective nothing is perfect and the heavy burdens will never stop. But when we rely on the Lord and ask Him to help us, He can help change our perspective not only on our circumstances around us but who we are and how we approach issues as they come up.

The most freeing part of the Gospel that I think gets overlooked too often is who we now are in Christ. It is easy as a believer to spend an abundance of time focusing on your sin, especially as a mom!

But God didn’t redeem us to spend the entirety of our lives sulking in our sin and worrying we’re always screwing up.

God gave us new life in Him to have NEW LIFE – free of condemnation, guilt, and shame (Romans 8:1-2). He wants us to live freely from our identity in what Christ accomplished and wants us to show our number one opportunities to share the Gospel with – our children – what a life looks like when they believe.

I want to clarify that when we screw up, it is still important to confess your sin and repent before the Lord. This not only restores any distance you have placed between you and Him but also keeps us humble of who He is – a righteous, sovereign God – and who we are – saints ONLY through the sacrifice of Jesus. It keeps us in a place of praise and worship before the most worthy King.

It’s important to note that the point of God giving us new life and identity in Christ is for HIS glory not for us to look or feel good.

If you truly start to understand all that was accomplished through Christ’s sacrifice, it will bring you to your knees in worship, give you a desire to seek to live a holy life, and will convict you of your sins and lead you to repentance. You will realize how unworthy you are and how worthy God is. You will clearly see how undeserving you are of this precious gift and gratitude will flow from your life. Through all of this, your perspective will begin to change. It will stop being just about you and your comfortable life and more about God’s glory being shown and His will being accomplished. You will start to see things from the broader perspective of eternity instead which will change everything. You can find additional resources and more information on identity in Christ in these books.

3 – Trust God’s Grace is Enough

As we continue to walk in the flesh on this side of heaven, we will never do it all perfectly. That’s where God’s perfect grace continues to shine through every single day. In our weakness He is strong (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). In our failures He is sovereign, gracious, and good (Colossians 1:16-17, Romans 8:28).

Realizing that God loves your children more than you do, has good plans for them, and never gives up pursuing them can be a very freeing experience.

Of course, we should strive to parent well out of the Spirit’s leading and the truth of the Bible. But we will mess up. Maybe every now and then or maybe every day (that’s me).

But when you do mess up it does NOT mean you are ruining your kids’ lives or their chances for becoming believers. God’s bigger than our mistakes. He does not give up on you or your children. He will faithfully continue to pursue and love unconditionally because He cares more about you and your children’s hearts and souls than about temporary circumstances or you doing it all perfectly.

His will is not reliant on you and me. It is reliant on Him alone. While He allows us to be a part of His kingdom work, we also can’t screw it up. He will accomplish what He has set out to do one way or another. There is freedom coming to this place – accepting God’s unconditional love and grace and trusting that we can’t mess up His will.

As long as we’re seeking Him and spending time with Him, our desire will be to please Him, and He will start aligning our hearts with His.

Due to the battle that exists within our own flesh and the enemy that currently rules this earth, we will never do it perfectly. This is where we can lean into trusting His promises that what He begins He will bring to completion (Philippians 1:6). One way or another, His will will be accomplished.

We can trust Him. His love for us far exceeds what we could even imagine (Ephesians 3:19). So instead of sitting in guilt or shame for every screw up, come humbly before the Lord and receive the forgiveness He already laid out on the cross. You can trust from that place, He will meet you and surround you with His peace, love, grace, and reassurance that He is in control.

10 Bible Verses to Combat Mom Guilt

Meditate on these verses during your day to remind yourself of the redemption, grace, and sovereignty of the Lord.

“For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being,  so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,  may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”

Ephesians 3:14-21 NIV

“For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.”

Galatians 5:1 ESV

“This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ. And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him.”

2 Corinthians 5:17-18 NLT

“For we are the circumcision, who worship by the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh—”

Philippians 3:3 ESV

“We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.”

Romans 6:4 NIV

“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.”

Romans 15:13 NLT

“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
    the days that were formed for me,
    when as yet there was none of them.”

Psalm 139:14-16 ESV

Psalm 145:8-9 NIV

“for through him God created everything
    in the heavenly realms and on earth.
He made the things we can see
    and the things we can’t see—
such as thrones, kingdoms, rulers, and authorities in the unseen world.
    Everything was created through him and for him.
 He existed before anything else,
    and he holds all creation together.”

Colossians 1:16-17 NLT

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Jesus, Matthew 11:28-30 ESV